HAZEY

I first met a boy named Haze a while back at a house party on Finlayson Place. My first impression (and many others) was that he was an obnoxious douche! As time rolled on and I got to know him over the years I still thought he was an obnoxious douche, but he slowly became my friend. He bought a condo in my building and we hung out even more, but what really got us together was beer!

Beer was the key to any good relationship, and we drank many a beer. We would establish these walkabouts that would and could go on for hours, usually the same route along the Goose Trail away from the police, but many as well has brought us into suburbia where the prying eyes of mothers have pierced their negative thoughts toward are well being. But the husbands of those mothers wish they could be there with us, they envy us! But nobody loves Haze like TyGuy does, heres why!

Ty Guy looks happy! Now you may be wondering why I am doing a blog about Mr. Ryan Hazelton? To be quite honest, I don’t know. He’s my bud and I missed his birthday (May 13th) so as a gesture of awesomeness, I have decided to wish him a birthday by giving him a blog. Many famous people share a birthday with Hazey, here are a few you might know.

Those people were Pope Pius IX, Bea Arthur (Golden Girl), Dennis the worm Rodman, Stephen Colbert, Robert (Im a sparkly vampire Patterson, Lauren Phoenix (Canadian Porn Star), PK Subban (some dumb hockey player) and Sunny Leone (another Canadian Porn Star) Also has a birthday today is our guest of honour Hazey.

Now Haze is not your ordinary run of the mill type of guy, I could honestly say that he is a one of a kind (thank you Baby Jesus). He is out spoken, gets a little loud, takes, and gives lost/won bets like a man. Has poor taste in hockey teams, comes up with dumb idea’s (food walkabout), goes through cars quicker than most guys go through girlfriends, and I have seen him on the tail end of a punch or two! But I can honestly say he is by far my favorite friend to drink with! We have the same views on beer (no white beer) and ways to drink it. And when we have our walkabouts, we recall the same things over and over again ….. remember when….. 

What kind of liner? ….. Pentaliner!! TAI CHI WHEELLLLL, what the hell? Deck to no where, there’s not even a door??? imagine 2 guys, walking around with there shorts getting weighed down from excess beers in the pocket, walking from cold beer store to cold beer store, getting drunker, louder, sillier, and all round more awesome as the adventure progresses. Thats us! And there always seems to be competition as well. Like who can last the longest without breaking the seal! And Im not gonna lie, currently he is in the lead. Anyways Hazey, I hope that this makes up for missing a brothers birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER FUCKER, love ya like a brother! Walkabout soon?

Demotivational Posters ….. Some of my Favorites!

What I have here is more so a sharing page than a blog. I just wanted to share some of my favorite demotivational posters (that don’t deal with boobie’s)! So lets start off with some in no perticular order.

The Small Things of Life!

1.MIDGETS

A tiny sub-species of the human race. Mainly raised in midget mills, for the entertainment of normal people. Midgets in the wild are attracted to sugar packets, and if captured they serve many purposes, such as, midget butlers, wrestlers, and as collectables. I bought sugar packets, so I can capture the coveted and rare asian midget to complete my collection.

Midgets are by far the greatest gift God has bestowed upon this Earth. I truly love midgets. I know its not proper to label them midgets as they prefer to be called “little people” but I just can’t help it, midget just sounds super cool as well. And to say dwarf, well all I can think of than is Lord of the Rings and they are no axe swinging Gimli thats for sure!  And using the proper “little people” is to much of a mouth full, and it doesn’t sould cool like midget! So midget it is!! I once had a dream (well actually, many dreams)  of owning a midget and having him dress up for Halloween in matching outfits!

some of my favorite movie rolls have been played by midgets. Peter Dinklage is todays big midget man to watch, he is currently on TV’s Game of Thrones and has been in great movies like Elf and the Station Agent (one of my favorite movies). Than there’s other superstars out there like Kenny Baker. He’s freaking R2D2!! Therefore he is a SciFi God! Well done for a midget! Lets not forget Warwick Davis, um Willow people, also in Starwars and Harry Potter, plus he was the title charactor in Leprechan!! Sweet!! 

Midgetia

(A Humorous and Totally False Account of Midgets)

 

Why are midgets and dwarves so small?

They are miniature humans, not so tall.

 

With tiny legs and little arms

big heads and lots of charm.

 

One day the public will see

that a midget’s life is no jubilee.

 

People think that because of their height

that they can give midgets the sleight.

 

When will people realize

that they are ruining midget’s lives?

 

Midgets, petite they may be

are just the same as you and me.

 

They walk, run, sprint and crawl

even though they are not tall.

 

Midgets function as normal folk

but people fun at them poke.

 

But one day the midgets will rise

and to most it will be a surprise.

I do not know who wrote this but it wasn’t me, I do love it and secretly wish I had written it, I would brag about my awesome midget poem hourly!

I once saw a midget basketball game here in Victoria many moons ago. But the memories will forever stay embedded in my head of those midgets. I can’t tell you who I went with or what the score was, but I can tell you I remember the way they ran down the court dribblin the ball and making me love basketball even more! I want to say thanks to Farmer Pete and the gang for showing me what true entertainment was! Thanks again Canadian Halfpints for the show! That basketball game was one of the highlights of my night.Look at this couple, so damn cute and adorable. God was right to create midgets, and maybe one day I will get a midget friend, and I could hold him tight at night, and take him for a walk, he could be my drinking buddy, and maybe I’ll teach him to read. We could be bestest friends ever! Never stop dreaming people, never!!

Dear Midgets: Never Change! sincerely Jamison.

Emceeing a Wedding …. the Nerves!

August the 6th, Saturday! What does this date mean to me? It means happiness, anxiety, stress and worries and more! The happiness is brought on because two of my great friends are getting married and I couldn’t be more happier for them both. That leads me to the rest of my feelings! Because the two of them are such great friends, they asked me to be the Emcee of their wedding! Without even thinking about what goes into being an Emcee I blurting out a “YES”. Was it the right thing to say and do? That is the question you should ask yourself if your ever put into my situation! And the answer is of course is it was the right thing to say and do. If they felt that you were good enough to honour them at their most special day, than the answer clearly is yes! In actual fact Im a Co-Emcee, which you might think is an easy alteration than doing it yourself, but truly its not! Especially when your Co-Emcee lives in Quesnel and I live in Victoria (where the wedding is). I have to figure out what an Emcee’s duties are, make speeches, make jokes, meet people, gets stories, etc….! But because the couple to be is such great friends of mine, its all worth it in the end. I mean who could say “NO” to these two people?

Okay, a lot of people can say “NO” to these two people. But  the stress and anxiety and the worrying are nothing to fret about! Sure the eyes are going be on you, and have to be quick minded and witty! I already have my girlfriend tell me not to use her in any stories as she doesn’t like to be spotlighted! I told her okay! Where do my stories stem from? You have to look back in the past to pull your memories forward. Darren (the groom) I have many stories of him as I have known him a long time. And Teresa (the bride) i have some decent stories but the picking and choosing in slimmer as I haven’t known her as long. And even though she is my “NEMESIS” (which is retrospect, I have no idea when became “nemesis’s” (which is in all fun! (Brackets within Brackets … FUN).) but I still go with it!) So on August the 6th two of the best peeps I guy could have will become one! Mr and Mrs Nemesis!

Just incase your wondering why the Dr Funk cd on the left? Its the “Legends Night Club” name that Darren had as promotions manager! So I threw it down! Bam! Bottom line is that the happiness out weighs all the other emotions and that Darren and Teresa are going have the most extreme and adventurious married life anyone could possibly have! Thanks for all the good times and don’t forget about me now that your married and all! Many cheers and thoughts of awesomeness to the both of you, and I hope I can live up to your expectations in being your Emcee! 

Rock Concert Posters!

This Blog isn’t so much a history lesson or a chat about this time, it’s about the visua

l! What I am referring to is the Rock Concert Poster! The first one I ever got was done by a famous West Coast Canadian named Bob Masse. He did a Donavon poster that just rocked! So without further ramblings, I will just post up some sweet posters.

I decided to start with this one since it is an oldie. You will see how far we have come!!

Already there is a nice verity of styles, from the red, white and black poster of the White Stripes, to dark QOTSA octopus to the cute octopus of Rufus!

 

Note the Bob Dylan is for Victoria BC.

And this is the end of the easiest and fun-est blog I have done, I just have a love for concert posters and I wanted to share some with you. We can call this Volume One as Im sure that I will be doing more blogs like this in the future! Cheers. Jamison.

the Sooke Flowline

The Sooke Flowline is a concrete pipe the snakes through the Sooke Hills from Sooke Lake (north of the potholes) all the way to Humpback Reservoir. It is 44 KMS long and was constructed between 1911-1915. The pipes were 42 inches around and put together in sections. The pipe was always under constant repair with many things happening to it, from winter freezing (winter of 1916 was one of the worst in history) to pipes being holed to supply water for marijuana grow ops along side the pipe. The pipe was decommissioned in 1970 for Victoria’s residents, though Sooke residents used it right up until 2009 (their new pipes were pvc pipes that flow under the Galloping Goose Trail).

Today the pipe isn’t used for anything except hiking. Being 42 inch’s, its wide enough to hike along, even mountain bike on, except there is a lot of dead fall covering the pipe.

This is the first section of the trail, you can park your vehicle at Mt Wells Regional Park (at Humpback Res) there is a parking lot there and bathrooms (just a shitter, no sinks). The start of the Pipe is located on the west side of the reservoir (left if your facing it) and it flows along Humpback Rd.

Old picture left of the Flowline snaking through the Sooke Hills! Find this wonderful trail and explore it, you’ll be happy you did. 

the Villain

A villain (also known in film and literature as the “bad guy”, “black hat”, or “heavy”) is an “evil” character in a story, whether a historical narrative or, especially, a work of fiction. The villain usually is the antagonist, the character who tends to have a negative effect on other characters. A female villain is sometimes called a villainess (often to differentiate her from a male villain). Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines villain as “a cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime; scoundrel; or a character in a play, novel, or the like, who constitutes an important evil agency in the plot”

There’s all sorts of Villains in our world, and the world’s beyond!
Like the Evil Genius
Mad Scientist
Dark Lord
Femme Fatale
Master Manipulator
Minions
the Enforcer or Right Hand Man
the Morally Confused
Traitors
the Mad Man
Usurpers
Tricksters
and the ever wonderful Evil Twin!!

How does on become a Villain? What was that straw on the camels back, the last nerve, that breaking point that made you go postal on countless innocents waiting in line for their five dollar Big mac combo, large sized, with a Diet Coke. What was it that caused all this horrific evil that you’ve unleashed upon the planet? Maybe it was building up for a long time. No, not since you spilled coffee on your nuts and locked your car keys in the trunk, Im talking way way way back, back to when you were a child, an innocent child who knew nothing but the monkey see monkey do’s in his or her life. Or was it that book you gave her when she was real young, or that pack of matches he “found” in your room.

Maybe it was something someone took from you that set off the evil! No, Im not talking about one’s virginity or someone’s life savings. Im talking the simple theft of your fish!!
The horrors of that day! “Can’t believe that bitch stole my fish, I think from this day forward I will become a Super Villain”. It could be as simple as that. But what if, what if its nothing you did, its just this deep dark hate that you have lusting in your heart, in your soul, this hate so intense that it lingers on the edge of your sanity, this hate so mind devouring that you can’t control the demons within. Than BANG, you release the fury upon all the countless sheep we call our people. “can’t control it” you call out, “the pain and voices tell me to release” it screams in your head, “agggggggg”! Tell them all that you Hate Sandcastles! They need to hear it!
Maybe it was competition that drove you over the top. What if your a child whiz kid in chess and you win match after match, years roll by and on your ninth birthday you enter a tournament. You waltz on in like you own the place and than some snot nosed brat hands you your first ever loss, than proceeds to catch your eye, stares you down, and with the most arrogant grin you’ve ever seen opens his mouth and says “Happy Birthday”. That right there would drive anyone to the brink of calm and push you over. And just like that, your a Super Villain. But, not only that, you know have an Arch Enemy! Get him.

I have a Nemesis out there, she’s (thats right, my Nemesis is a bloody girl) the most cunning evil entity in the universe. My good friend is sleeping with the enemy! Gad Zooks! She even entered my humble home in October with her ninja army, throwing her ninja stars at my guests. Good thing I was clever enough to erect (heehee) a forcefield around my friends. She is Snake Eyes to my Storm Shadow, she’s White Spy to my Black Spy, she’s Simon to my Garfunkle. She is evil incarnate. She is so evil, she makes hooliganism seem like a pride parade! She is so evil, I will not say her name, she has one of those names you don’t say, like Vol…ort!!  Thats a picture of her on the right, she’s breaking my wall with her mad ninja skills. “You owe me a new wall”.  But sooner or

later everyone will have a “nemesis” like I do. It just happens! She is Ralph (the Karate Kid) machicho to my Johnny (sweep the leg) Cobra.

So weather your a crazy “Evil” puppy eating Asian or a Psycho baby in the back seat of mommy’s mini van, chances are you will grow up, find a “nemesis” have a family, get a mini van of your own and become a Super Villain. This day and age, the percentage on becoming a Super Villain is seventy six percent!

VILLAINS…… beware. And kids, keep your cool, as everyone knows, if you rise to the top of Villainyhood, you become the biggest badass of them all.

Squirrel Needs a Wife.

Squirrel needs a wife.

What exactly does this mean? Well, it’s quite simple. My Buddy Sean (Squirrel) Jackson needs a wife to become a Canadian Citizen. He love’s Canada so much and wants to stay here. You see, Squirrel comes from the land down under. Australia.  In fact he’s from Brisbane.

Please all you single lady’s, give my Squirrel some love. This is a plea for help. Sean needs love to! Lets talk about Squirrel for a sec, he works at Cobs Bakery (so there’s always bread) , he is a drummer, he LOVES to SNUGGLE! So all those cold Canadian nights when you need a man to hold you or vice versa, he is happy to hold you through out the night! He’s super funny (when you can understand him) and he likes beer! Thats about all I have.  Keep Sean Jackson in Canada!

Bring the boy to Canada forever.
Come on Lady’s, Help the Squirrel.

PS, please, no ugly girls!

 

Greek Bath House’s

Greek bath house’s were so common in the old days, they were frequented quite often by men of higher statue. These men would enter into a room (different types of baths for different types of opinions) were a bath would be in the middle of the room, pay the service and relax. Some baths were strictly for bathing and some for sex. There were even some open aired rooms and some underground. Some were made for excessive drug inducing and some were made for healing. 

There are hot and cold bath house’s and some that are there just for the sole individual to enjoy by themselves.  In any case, why would anyone want to enter some of these bath houses? Some of them seem a little out of my range “if you know what I mean”. And than as you continue through this bloody blog, you start to ask yourself “what the HELL is Jamie

even talking about?” and thats when I say “this is for you Dar”. Which again means nothing to all three of my followers on my blog! But lets finish this on a high note. Greek Bath House’s are very very low on my list of hot tubs! But I will tell you what is high on my Hot Tub List (Besides a Hot Tub Tim Machine) Its the good old fashioned Canadian Hot Tub. Yeah, thats more like it.

Cheers.           Jamison.

Beer!!

Beer, why is it so good, so desirable, so intoxicating? What makes you want to keep on drinking? When would be a good time to have a beer? Who should I have a beer with? Where will I end up drinking tonight? This is the true W5, who, what where, when and why? Tough choices easy answers! Who doesn’t love beer? I love beer! Its just so darn good! When I get home from a bad day at work, I would love to have a beer!

This note, this paradox upon paper, this epic article of excellence, is my love of beer that I have choose to share with you all. It is a love that has dawned most my life. And here I am about to share it all with you.

Invincible. That is what beer will do to you. You laugh, you dance, you think you can jump that long flight of stairs, you are invincible!! Plain and simple. See that hot chick over there that you would never hit on cause you think she’s to hot for you? Have more beer, you will be filled with all the courage you need!

Could you really go on without tasting this mug of happiness? Beer is actually made out of hops, barley and unicorns blood! It is magical! It will put a smile on your face everytime!! look upon it, its golden glow of awesomeness! Its radiating love from within! It solves all problems. How about beer goggles? WHAT! Never heard of them? Here let me explain! When your at a bar, party, social event or whatever, and you have drank so much, that even the hags turn hot. And it goes both ways for guys and girls! Sometimes its a good thing, but most the time it’s a bad thing! Especially if your buds see you walking off with such a catch (which you’ll never here the end). But sometimes you might get exactly what you want (as long as you get out early the next morning). Lets focus not on the beer goggle effect but that catch you got because you had the guts to say hey! Lets imagine shall we? Ah yes, my imagination is wonderful, kind of like beer!